So, It's been a few days and a lot has happened. Mainly, I've been getting my tail kicked by Jesus on a couple of key points of my life.
Number one...(which is the only one I'll cover today) when I stress, about very much of anything, but particularly "big" things my go-to reaction is to allow the addictive part of my personality to take over. It could be anything from food to television to basically anything that will allow me to shelve whatever it is that is causing the stress.
Sometimes it's stress over decisions I've made that weren't the best and sometimes it's over something God is trying to teach me. But either way, I've got to find a way to recognize this early and often and do something different.
I've discovered that when this happens I also shy away from my time with God...it becomes very surface and I pull away. I do this in all my relationships actually. It's like I know that I'm not dealing with something and so the walls go up and I hide behind my fortress to continue to avoid...whatever it is.
Jesus always finds a way to bring me back around...and I love that about Him.
Lately, He's been using my best friend to call me out. She does this a lot. She sees through my fortress and asks the tough questions. She pushes me to pin-point what I'm stress about or running from and reminds me that I can't hide forever. She reminds me that my Savior knows my heart whether I share it with Him or not. That He has a plan and if I didn't get somewhere overnight, I won't fix it in an afternoon.
It's good for me.
And then there is our current series Purple People Leader at Elevation. Pastor Steven has really challenged me through this series. This week we talked about structuring your life around where God is taking you instead of where you are at. This was a clarifying message for me. I feel like that is what I have done the last few years...trying to get by on living where I'm at and then wondering why it was taking God so long to get me where I'm going.
And the short answer is....I wasn't living like I was ready.
I've been spinning my wheels on the outside and dying on the inside because I felt like there was something more I just didn't know how to get there. So, this week, I have some goals. Seemingly small, but I can't get this flywheel going all at once. I'll do my best to accomplish each one, realizing that I'm building into my future....which may appear silly on the outside, but that's okay,
because I want to be dressed for where I'm going.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Something only He can do
I find that when I get scared or overwhelmed by the move of God in my life that I tend to try to sabotage something great in my life. The initial solution to this is to allow Jesus to keep the waters of my soul still as My Father moves across the face of the deep.
Sometimes I really suck at this...
And recently, in a quiet way (that few, if any can see)...I have done that. It's not that I necessarily set out to destroy that which has been so graciously entrusted to me. But if I turn my eyes from My Savior for even a moment it happens. My instincts in this negative direction are still much stronger than I would like to admit. I'd like to think that I've grown enough to know better...but that's just it. When this happens, it has little, if anything, to do with my growth or lack thereof.
It has much more to do with my sin nature, my specific wiring and how that plays itself out when I do not trust Jesus with all of my heart.
I've talked before about how hard it is for me to truly trust. And again, I find myself having to intentionally remind myself that I CAN and SHOULD trust My Savior. I wish I could just flip the switch on my trust and then hard wire it to stay that way, but that's the thing about human relationship. Even with Jesus...we, as fallen, broken people are not hardwired to do much of anything except sin.
We have to work hard at our relationship with Christ. And when we don't the sin nature takes over. Don't get me wrong...Christ has already done the work of salvation and forgiveness, but in order to maintain our relationship with Him we have to work to daily turn over...whatever it is and ask Him to take the little we have and do...
something only He can do with it.
Sometimes I really suck at this...
And recently, in a quiet way (that few, if any can see)...I have done that. It's not that I necessarily set out to destroy that which has been so graciously entrusted to me. But if I turn my eyes from My Savior for even a moment it happens. My instincts in this negative direction are still much stronger than I would like to admit. I'd like to think that I've grown enough to know better...but that's just it. When this happens, it has little, if anything, to do with my growth or lack thereof.
It has much more to do with my sin nature, my specific wiring and how that plays itself out when I do not trust Jesus with all of my heart.
I've talked before about how hard it is for me to truly trust. And again, I find myself having to intentionally remind myself that I CAN and SHOULD trust My Savior. I wish I could just flip the switch on my trust and then hard wire it to stay that way, but that's the thing about human relationship. Even with Jesus...we, as fallen, broken people are not hardwired to do much of anything except sin.
We have to work hard at our relationship with Christ. And when we don't the sin nature takes over. Don't get me wrong...Christ has already done the work of salvation and forgiveness, but in order to maintain our relationship with Him we have to work to daily turn over...whatever it is and ask Him to take the little we have and do...
something only He can do with it.